Have you seen those red-dot commercials for state farm? Here is my red dot. I’m at the place where the possibility of going to law school in the fall keeps me from getting the kind of job that my bachelor’s degree and work experience has prepared me for because nobody wants to train an employee who will only be available for 6 months but said bachelor’s degree and experience also prevents me from getting the higher turnover jobs because they make me “overqualified” to groom dogs or bag groceries (yes I have in fact applied and been turned down for these positions) and nobody seems to appreciate that an applicant with such qualifications might just be willing to do any of these jobs and do them well for the next 6 months or even indefinitely because even law school hopefuls with bachelor’s degrees and management experience have to pay rent abd bills every month. I’m there. Maybe I should apply with state farm…
10 months later… and its been a weird year. To my surprise, I survived rejection from law school. Not that my life is now a huge success, because it isnt. I did however realize that life goes on, no matter what knocks you on your keester. Although I can’t say the past few months have been especially pleasant, they have forced me to grow. Most of my friends will be graduating from Harding this year, and as I’ve been talking them through this traumatic event in their lives, I’ve been forced to realize how much better off I am for having endured the last year. To give you the short list, I have my own apartment, have enjoyed financial independence, and finally got the saint bernard I’ve wanted since 5th grade. Now, having said that, I’m ready to move on. For those of you who know me well, this is a common theme in my life. After enrolling in a prep course, I retook the LSAT and scored a 167. and now, I wait. I’m waiting to find out if Ill be accepted to law school this year. I’m waiting to hear back from any of the dozens of prospective employers that I’ve applied with, I’m waiting to find out where I’m going to live when my lease is up in may, and if I’ll have a roommate. And, I’m waiting for Levi and I to get to a point where it makes sense to get married. To distract from all of this waiting, I take long walks with Bella (the afore-mentioned saint bernard), go to the gym 3 times a week, hang out with the few friends that I’ve made, and cook dinner at night for levi, and often his brother seth. All in all, life isn’t so bad.
I recently graduated from Harding University (more on this later). We have a tradition at Harding to let graduating seniors use up an entire week of chapel to reminisce about their experiences. I was not selected for this honor. So, I took the liberty of posting a senior speech here, on this very neglected blog, for all of you suckers who still faithfully read it.
Ahem. “I have been a student at Harding University for only 3 years. It really has gone by fast. I remember how excited I was to come here. I anxiously waited through my last year of high school, drumming my fingers, looking around, agitated by how slowly time was passing. I had wetted my appetite for Harding with Honors Symposium the summer before. Harding University represented everything I wanted at the time. For starters, it was 800 miles away from home, a place where I could finally assert independence. You may laugh, but despite the stringent rules, that’s exactly what I found my first year. Harding also represented the first decision I made entirely on my own, and stuck to, against the wishes of my mother. The distance wasn’t as appealing to her for some reason. Mostly, Harding represented hope for me. A fresh start. And thats exactly what it was. A great beginning. So what do we do when the beginning comes to an end? I’ve spent the last few weeks walking through the front lawn reflecting on my time here: whether I made the most of it, whether I made a mistake finishing a year early, whether I am really ready to move on. So as most seniors before me have done, I summed it up in not one, but two top 10 lists.
10 things I’m NOT going to miss about Harding University:
10. The laundry rooms. Think about it. Without even questioning, I paid something like $40 a semester for the privilege of carrying 30 lbs of laundry down stairs, and across campus in all kinds of weather, to the laundry room, praying both that there would be a couple of open washers, and that I wasn’t leaving a trail of underwear behind me on my trek. I would arrive to find a hot, stuffy room, crowded with cutesy couples.
9. Dorm Fire Alarms. These have seriously changed the way I live. Anytime I make popcorn, or even blow-dry my hair, I keep a wary eye on the flashing green light of the fire-alarm. This has only gotten worse as I moved into upper level dorms. Its one thing to set it off as a naive freshman, and another altogether to be THAT girl who set off the fire alarm in privileged housing.
8.The parking situation. I won’t miss parking a mile from the front door of my lobby. I’ve learned to buy just enough groceries that I can carry them in one load, since the commute from my parking spot will be prohibitive.
7. The holiday situation. I hear this one is changing, but while I was a student here, Harding refused to give 3 day weekends. I hate checking facebook between classes on Labor Day, Memorial Day, MLK Jr. Day, etc, and reading the statuses of all my state-school friends, enjoying their break. The week of Thanksgiving is nice, but its not quite enough to balance out starting the semester a week earlier, ending it a week later, and not getting a single long weekend in between.
6. The front lawn - after dark. It seems like no matter what time of year it is - whether 8 inches of ice accumulated over the span of the day, or whether the largest mosquito population in Arkansas’ history is lurking, couples will still gravitate towards the front lawn to make out as soon as dusk hits. I will take whatever detour is necessary to avoid walking through this awkward ceremony every night.
5. The policing situation. I understand the rules, and I even appreciate their efficasy for the most part. What I don’t like is how they must be enforced. Countless resources and time are put into policing the rules. And the honor code is seriously flawed. I hate that people who admit to doing something wrong can still be expelled, while those who lie are allowed to stay. It creates a weird dichotomy between appearances and reality on campus.
4. The nickel-and-diming. Lets face it, Harding comes at a pretty serious cost. Tuition just rose to a whopping $398 an hour, and on top of that, book prices are through the roof. Let’s not even talk about meal plan prices. All of that’s fairly standard I guess, but there are also fees for EVERYTHING. Technology fees, testing fees, parking fees, fines for breaking rules, fines for getting locked out, fines for missing meetings, you name it.
3. Good Housekeeping. I mean, Health & Safety. I’m a fairly clean person, and it was still a pain. Again, I get the necessity, but at some point college is supposed to prepare us to be adults on our own. Having an RA, or a dorm mom check to make sure we clean our rooms seems counterintuitive, dontcha think?
2. Curfew. Not for the reason you probably think. I am admittedly a fuddydud. I go to sleep early, most nights well before curfew. There’s nothing worse than drifting off to that wonderful drowsy place just before actual sleep, and getting ripped back to consiousness by a knock, the sound of a door opening, and a bright light in the face.
1. The toilet situation. I don’t know whose bright idea it was to put water saving toilets in dorms with 300 girls. Any money saved in water conservation is probably cancelled out by the cost of maintenance when the stupid things overflow. The single-ply toilet paper that they require is just the demeaning straw that broke the spirit of the camel. or something like that.
”All of that being said,
10 things I AM going to miss about Harding University:
10. That ‘in the bubble’ feeling. Let’s face it, Harding is a pretty safe place. Its easy to go to sleep at night when you live in a building with prison-style locks (admittedly to keep people in more than out, but they work nonetheless)
9. C-A-M-A-R-A-D-E-R-I-E. The sense of belonging. Everything on my first top 10 list also unites us. I love being on the inside of all the Harding jokes.
8. Chapel. Gulp. Thats right, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. (especially this early in the list, maybe it’ll be forgotten without much consequence). I like to start my day in the ugly Benson auditorium with 5000 of my closest friends singing in 8-part harmony. Its a pretty unique experience that I get 5 days a week.
7. Bible classes. I have loved the Bible course I’ve taken on campus. I don’t know of another time in my life when I’ll get to study the Bible and examine my faith in an intellectual context with some of the most brilliant Bible scholars out there.
6. The faculty of the Communication Department. These people are great. Every one of my teachers has taken a personal interest in my success. I know that they care about me personally, about my life, not just about my grade in their course.
5. The Harding Debate team. Yep - we have one, and I’ve had the privilege of participating for the last 3 years. Its been frustrating at times, but also challenging and stimulating.
4. The front lawn - during daylight. Harding has a beautiful campus. Our gardeners are magic: I still haven’t figured out what they use to make the entire campus bloom the day before Spring Sing each year.
3. The activity. It seems like there’s always something to do on campus. Our CAB does a great job of scheduling concerts and events. ASI brings relevant speakers. There’s absolutely no excuse to be bored on the weekends.
2. The connectivity. I alluded to dorm life a lot in my first list, but its unique to go to a school thats 95% residential. With everybody on campus, there’s also no excuse to be lonely.
1. The relationships. I can say with certainty that I have made the best friends of my life at Harding University. I will miss them terribly.
“Now I know that whether you enjoyed my speech or not, I am guaranteed a standing ovation… You are dismissed.”
A beautiful bouquet of roses and stargazer lillies from my boyfriend - for absolutely no reason at all :)
Today was a really great day. Thursdays are generally pretty great anyway, because they’re the only days that I don’t have an 8 am class, so I usually skip chapel and sleep an extra 2 hours. Today was even more special though, because my 10 am class was cancelled. Left with nothing obligatory to do until 11:30, I slept until 10, got up and had the laziest and most perfect morning. I wasn’t rushed, I made myself an actual breakfast, and I got to drink my coffee at the dining room table, rather than in a to-go mug. It only got better from there though. After class I had a leisurely lunch break, then another class which lasted approximately 5 minutes. I walked over to the student center to check my mail (after several hints from Levi) and was excited to see a yellow package slip. I went to the appropriate window and got a long, rectangular box from FTD. My boyfriend sent me flowers, beautiful roses and lillies, for absolutely no reason at all. I think that has to be just the coolest thing ever. I walked back to my apartment with the largest, stupidest smile on my face. That was definitely the highlight of my day, but it was still pretty great after that. I went for a run - the weather was just beautiful today on top of everything else. I came home and showered, then went to the new, very nice grocery store. Finally, I came back and cooked mediterranean pasta with a raspberry vinaigrette and cubed-fuji apple salad. My friend Brian came over and we ate in the courtyard of the dorm on a blanket in the grass. It was really nice to reconnect with such a dear friend. We went to the Underground and had coffee for dessert, and Brian kicked my butt at Rummykub. Twice. Now I’m off to bed after chatting with Levi a bit on the phone. What a great day.
I’d like to make more shameless promises to keep blogging regularly, but for those of you who know me well, you understand. There is just very little hope of that happening. Ever. As it is, I will keep blogging irregularly, just to keep you guessing. :)
I’ve decided to keep blogging. We’ll see how it goes.
OK, for a quick update: since my last post I spent one week, miserably sick, making my way towards London, then I flew across 7 time zones in 15 hours (though about 6 of those hours were lost in the shuffle). I slept for about a week straight, then travelled back and forth across the state of Texas to see my dad, my mom, my grandparents and my boyfriend. At the end of the break, I moved back to Searcy for one last semester at Harding University.
I live in “privileged” housing on Harding’s campus. At 21 years old, after travelling the world, I am back in a dorm. Though it is cleverly disguised as an apartment, the fact remains that it is a dormitory. Instead of a landlord I have a dorm mom; instead of paying rent monthly, I pay a lump-sum fee before registration; instead of signing a lease, I sign codes of honor. I have an RA to check on me at curfew every night and make sure my room stays tidy. Regardless of this contrast in appearances and reality, I love my room. I really enjoy cooking my own food every night and having separate rooms for separate purposes. On top of that, I live on the ground level which is great, and there’s a laundry room right down the hall.
While I’m really happy to live here my last semester at Harding, I can’t help but be excited about living in an actual apartment after graduation. I can’t help but look forward to a lot of things after graduation in fact. I’ve been here a week and already I’m spending my free time looking at apartments and floor-plans in Lubbock, TX. Last night, I looked up St. Bernard dog breed and puppy training information for the hundredth time. I want to make the most of the time I have left in college, but for the most part, I’ve checked out. I have senioritis in the worst way. I’m taking 18 hours of credit, working 15 hours a week, and debating intercollegiately, but nothing can phase me. No matter what, in 4 months I’m outta here.
I’m also using this semester to make a lot of overdue changes in my life. I started keeping a planner in hopes of using an electronic PDA or smart-phone someday soon. I’m trying to keep myself organized instead of going about haphazardly as usual. I’ve been keeping my room uncharacteristically clean as well as washing my dishes as I use them. I’m on a diet that I have every intention of sticking to, and I plan to start a regular exercise regimen as soon as it warms up a little outside. There are more subtle interpersonal and spiritual changes going on as well, but they are considerably harder to quantify. Overall, I’m finally growing up. I feel better already.
Thursday I got some unpleasant news however. While they cannot at this time offer me a place in the incoming class, Texas Tech University School of Law has placed my application in “Active Consideration.” I got wait-listed. I knew, because my LSAT score wasn’t outstanding, that this might happen. I was still incredibly disappointed though. There has only been one other time in my life that I’ve been rejected on merit - and that was in the running for a Trustee scholarship for full tuition at Harding. When these things happen people often say that its because “God has other plans.” While I think this may in fact often be true, its still a cop-out. I don’t think God kept me from acceptance because that was His will. He could have worked through me either way. The fact is that I didn’t study at all for the LSAT, and my score reflected that. By that fact alone, regardless of my high GPA and involvement, I am simply not as qualified as many of the other applicants. The rejection really made me question myself though. I think all forms of rejection have that effect. I spent most of the day wondering if I just really wasn’t good enough.
Klay, our professor at HUF, told us once to pick a class and just fail it. At the time I thought he was crazy. Grades have always been very important to me. After receiving my response from Texas Tech though, I am beginning to understand. My worth is just not wrapped up in how well I rank on paper. The truth is, I have a purpose in life whether its accomplished through a career in law or one in catering.
